


Pining

by KellynKupcake



Series: Reflections [3]
Category: Red Dead Redemption, Red Dead Redemption 2
Genre: Angst, Deluxe bath, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Masturbation, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Prostitution, Smut, whoring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-09-01 07:47:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16760965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KellynKupcake/pseuds/KellynKupcake
Summary: After John leaves the Van der Linde gang he finds himself falling on hard times. He regrets his decision to leave, but wants to take advantage of his freedom one last time before deciding if he wants to go back.Part 3 in the Reflections series. These stories are intended to be read in order but can also be read as standalones.





	Pining

**Author's Note:**

> So basically this is just porn with feels. But it does explain where John went when he left the gang and ultimately why he returns. If you aren't keen on the idea of John hiring a prostitute ~~then I'm not sure how you made it this far in the series~~ this story isn't for you. Abigail is mentioned a lot but isn't actually in the story.

John swallowed hard, whiskey burning his throat on the way down and spreading some much needed warmth throughout his frozen chest. He had been on the road for weeks, unable to stop for more than a night at a time. 

A stage robbery had gone bad out near Strawberry, he’d been shot and the lawmen in the area had recognized him as he hobbled away in to the scrub. He had lost them somehow, after a few hours of escaping on foot. His shoulder had ached something fierce, forcing him to take shelter in a small cliff side cavern and build a fire to remove the bullet and cauterize the wound. 

It had taken weeks for it to start to heal properly. With no money and frankly no direction he had wandered aimlessly, not eating for days at a time and relishing in the few wild raspberries he could find to stop the agony of an empty stomach.

He was in Valentine now, still feeling sore and sorry for himself. But after having stumbled across an abandoned camp he had managed to scrounge enough supplies to sell for a few dollars. A good meal and a shot of whiskey used up most of his small pittance and he had a shaky plan for the rest.

Taking a moment to lean on the bar as the whiskey blurred his vision, he reflected on the last few months of his life. It had been near on a year since he had left the gang in the middle of the night. Heartbroken and feeling betrayed, he had intended to slip away for a few days to clear his head. But after riding for an hour or so he began to feel lonesome, deciding ultimately that the comfort and familiarity of camp was a better place for him to heal than out in the wilderness by himself. 

He had slunk back in before dawn, intending to move his belongings back in to the tent he shared with Abigail. Regardless of her betrayal, he couldn’t help the fact that he truly loved her.

As he tracked through the quiet campsite, bedroll in tow he had slowed his pace. Really looking around for the first time in a long while. Stopping in his tracks he thought back; back to a time when he was happy. Or he tried his hardest to at least. Realizing with a stab to his chest that he couldn’t rightly think of one. Not since he was a child, a few years in to his affiliation with the gang. Before Abigail joined them but after the horrors of the orphanage and life on the streets. A simpler time when it was just himself, Dutch, Hosea and Arthur.

Dutch hadn’t been acting himself of late. His presence made John nervous in a way he couldn’t explain. He wasn’t the same man that had taken him in nearly 10 years earlier. Or perhaps he was and John was just starting to see him for who he really was.

Hosea was always like a Father to John. More so than his own Father ever was. But he was at the age now of not needing a Father-figure anymore. Especially not one that would casually let his wife cheat while he was out risking his neck on one of his jobs.

He supposed that wasn’t fair. Hosea may have genuinely had no idea of Abigail’s deceit. But if the way the men around the campfire had looked at him the night before was any indication, it was common knowledge.

Arthur hadn’t been aware or so he claimed in the moment. To be fair he was often out on jobs by John’s side. It was likely he had the wool pulled over his own eyes just as easily. Arthur was like a brother to him. He admired him greatly despite the constant teasing. He probably was about the only person in camp that would have told him the truth had he asked.

Looking sadly from tent to tent he had begun to back away. Loading his things back on to his horse he tore a page from his notebook and scribbled a note to Abigail by moonlight. He wasn’t a learned man by any means, but thanks to Dutch and Hosea he could write okay and he could read better than most. Certainly better than Abigail.

He had left the note outside her tent, weighed down by a bag of candies he had acquired on their last job with her in mind.

Slipping away in to the early morning light he had begun his new life with the intention of living it honestly. Maybe even finding himself an honest woman to be his companion.

Looking back now he felt a fool. Nearly a whole year and the closest he had come to an honest life was when he had been hired to herd sheep from a ranch to a nearby town. He had been ambushed, most of the sheep stolen or killed and all of the money he had on him taken along with them. He had headed back to the ranch, tail between the legs to explain what had happened. The rancher hadn’t believed him, calling the law on him for livestock theft. John had decided then and there that an honest living wasn’t worth the trouble. When he had actually tried and ended up with the same bounty on his head he would have acquired for just stealing the sheep in the first place.

It had made him wonder what else was not worth his time. Perhaps the fantasy of an honest woman was not all it was cracked up to be either. He has missed Abigail terribly in his time away. Too many cold nights by his lonesome had in a way driven him to forgive her for her transgressions. Although his heart still stung at the memory of her bent over, exposing her delicates for another man’s pleasure. He couldn’t deny he had left her alone without comfort for sometimes weeks at a time when he had been sent out to do something dangerous.

Rationalizing cheatin’. He thought to himself, scoffing as he pushed away from the bar. He really had hit a new low in his life.

Rubbing at tired eyes with one hand he reached in to his satchel with the other. He counted $6.50 left in his bag, pulling it out to double check he stared at it absently. He knew what he wanted to do with the money, but morally he wasn’t sure it was right.

Turning back to the bar he enquired about a bath. The barkeeper nodded, taking some of his cash and sending him down the nearby hallway.

Entering the bathroom he sighed in relief, the steam filled air warming his chilled skin as he began to peel off his clothing. Grunting uncomfortably as the cloth scraped against his tender bullet wound.

He hissed as he stepped in to the tub, lowering himself down slowly and feeling some of tension from the last few weeks seep out of him as he settled in the water. He tilted his head back, eyes falling closed as he leaned against the cool metal.

A knock at the door startled him, rattling his nerves as he had already began to doze off. Feeling safe and content for the first time in weeks.

“Need any help in there honey?” A woman’s voice asked, muffled by the wooden door. John swallowed, thinking for a second before answering.

“Uh... yeah, sure.” He replied, second guessing himself as the door cracked open, a kind looking young woman stepping inside and shutting it lightly behind her. John shifted uncomfortably as she drew closer, cheeks reddening not from the steam as she perched herself on the edge of the tub and ran a smooth hand along his shoulders.

“You’re really tense Darlin’.” She commented, both her hands now lathered and working tired muscles at the base of his neck. 

John chuckled nervously, a shiver running down his spine as she pulled one of his arms from the water and began to scrub it lightly.

“Do you... like, doin’ this?” He asked awkwardly. “Washin’ strange men I mean.” He clarified, his question being met with a giggle.

“When they’re as polite as you.” She replied, shifting so she was on the floor beside him, her hand running slowly from his knee up his thigh. He jumped slightly at the contact, chuckling uncomfortably at the small smile gracing her lips. The water’s surface was cloudy and filled with bubbles. But he couldn’t help feeling as though she could see through it. 

His breath quickened, eyes flicking nervously towards her as her hand grew closer to his privates. His dick throbbed painfully, to his embarrassment it had grown hard the second she’d touched his shoulders. He hadn’t lain with a woman since Abigail all those months prior. He had tried to keep himself satisfied with only his hand, but he had always found it never worked the same as when he was with her. Instead of finishing satisfied he always felt empty and uncomfortable, as though he hadn’t finished at all.

If he was being honest, he had been frustrated of late. Finding himself thinking about a woman’s company at inappropriate times. His cock springing to life in inappropriate situations, taking blood from his brain and making his lose focus.

The woman next to him leaned forwards, large breasts bulging from their too small constraints as she reach across to wash his other leg. Her hand bumped delicately against his erection, causing it to twitch wildly as he flushed like a school boy. She giggled, hand squeezing his leg reassuringly as she turned to look him in the eyes.

“You’re not the first, nor will you be the last.” She laughed. John swallowed, eyes downcast as he wondered if the bath was deep enough for him to drown in. “I can’t do anything for you about that unfortunately. But there are plenty of lovely workin’ ladies back out near the bar that would take no issue.” She said casually. John raised his eyes slowly, watching her smooth skin shine in the lantern light as he contemplated what she had said. 

He would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it. Most recently as he has stepped away from the bar, counting his last dollars. He didn’t like the idea of being unfaithful to Abigail. But he supposed he wasn’t really. He had left with no intention of returning. She would have no way of knowing he was still carrying her torch. That his heart had stayed firmly in her possession even after all this time. She probably didn’t consider them to be married anymore at this moment and he supposed he should start thinking along the same lines lest he get his heart broken all over again if he ever decided to go back to her.

“You alright honey?” The woman asked, pulling him from his deep thoughts as she sat on the edge of the tub once more, a hand running lightly up and down his bicep.

“Yeah. Sorry.” He replied, voice hoarser than he expected. “Just thinkin’.” He said quietly, making her tilt her head in question.

“I didn’t mean to imply you was the sort.” She apologized, hand stopping to knead his arm.

“No, it’s fine.” John replied, pausing to think once again. “It’s just that... well I have a woman.” He stopped, shaking his head. “Well sort of. Maybe.” He sighed. “I ain’t sure anymore.” He said softly, feeling embarrassment well inside him for burdening the poor stranger with his troubles.

“Oh that’s no good sweetheart.” She hummed. “Well if you change your mind I’m sure one of the ladies outside could make you forget her for a night.” She smiled, leaning down to plant a kiss on his forehead. John shuddered, bidding her adieu as she sauntered, hips swaying tantalisingly from the room. His eyes trailing on her ass as she went.

He dipped his hand in to the water, running it down his front as he scrubbed at the places she hadn’t touched. He hesitated a second, sighing in defeat as he curled his fingers around his erection, grunting as he gave it a small squeeze. Leaning back against the bath he began to pump it slowly. Hand moving rhythmically as his breath quickened, toes curling at the sensation. He stared at the ceiling, watching the shadows flick across wooden beams as he tried to pretend he wasn’t alone. That it was someone else stroking him playfully. Someone that cared for him.

Groaning in frustration he let his hand fall limp. A frown furrowing his brows as he exhaled loudly. He would rather deal with the niggling urge than try to sate himself anymore.

Rising from the bath, the cool air made him shiver. His never waning hard on seemingly defying gravity, sitting halfway to his stomach even while standing up right. It had been his constant companion the last few weeks.

He dressed himself fast, tucking his arousal in to his belt and exiting the bathroom. Making his way back down the hallway and through drunken patrons he headed for the door, pace slowing as he approached. His eyes flicked towards the women standing there, licking his lips as he contemplated his position. 

“Hey handsome.” One of them greeted, turning to face him and raising her eyebrows seductively. He stopped, holding his breath as he decided how to reply. 

“Hey...” He said back softly, feeling dumb for not having anything else to say.

“How’s your night?” She asked, stepping closer. Her hands on her hips as she pressed her chest towards him.

“Good.” He replied simply, again feeling foolish.

“Sounds like it could be better.” She smiled, eyes trailing his body and falling on his pulsing crotch. John wondered if she could tell he was hard. He had checked in the mirror before he walked out, trying to make it as discreet as possible.

“Maybe...” he answered, hovering nervously. To his relief the woman closed the distance between them. Her hand snaking up to curl around his arm as she pulled him away from the prying eyes of her counterparts and fellow patrons. He followed her willingly as she led him to a hallway near the bathroom he had just exited. Stopping to push him lightly against the wall her hand moved to his chest, running softly down it she pushed forwards suddenly, hand grasping his erection hard and breasts pressing to his chest. She pressed her lips to his ear and felt him shiver as she spoke.

“Two dollars for the hour.” She purred, nipping a trail along his jaw in demonstration of her talents. John’s breath hitched, cock twitching eagerly under her palm. He nodded, trying to catch his breath as she stepped back, pulling him by the hand back in to the light and up the stairs of the saloon. His heart was racing, he was sure she could hear it even over the noise of the saloon and most certainly once they were alone inside a small bedroom.

“Two is the standard rate.” She explained as she closed the door behind herself. “Kissing, cuddling and anything in the mouth is fifty cents extra.” She said flatly, holding out her hand and waiting patiently as John realised what she wanted and began digging in his satchel. 

“I’ll... pay the extra.” He said sheepishly, handing her the correct amount and chewing on his cheek as she counted it and nodded.

“Right.” She whispered, her alluring facade firmly back in place now that they had finished with the business talk. “Why don’t you tell me what you want sweetheart?” She whispered seductively, walking forwards and backing him in to the bed, knees buckling. He sat, staring up at her as she lowered herself on to his lap. She took his hands, guiding them under her skirt and placing them firmly on her buttocks.

“Well... I... I mean if it ain’t too much t’ask.” John began, feeling the weight of his decision setting in more heavily than the woman on his lap. “It would be nice if we could take it slow.” He said with a shrug, feeling dumb. The woman nodded, a smile gracing her lips as she moved off his lap and on to the bed next to him.

“Okay.” She said simply, raising a hand to run it delicately over his stubbled cheek. His eyes fluttered closed, a small moan escaping him as he forgot himself for a moment. Abigail used to do that for him. A simple gesture that was almost no effort on her part but meant the world to him. The calming effect was almost immediate.

He leaned forwards slowly, eyes still closed as he pressed a chaste kiss to the woman’s lips. A small peck that lingered only for a moment before he pulled away, opening his eyes and looking in to hers curiously. She smiled at him, not sure what to make of this peculiar man. She could feel his sadness without him needing to speak. 

“You’re lookin’ for the girlfriend experience.” She smirked, hand still caressing his cheek lightly.

John chuckled in response. 

“I guess I am.” He replied. “If not the wife experience.” He joked awkwardly. The woman giggled, petting his face a few times before scooting up the bed.

“Girlfriend I can do. But wife; not unless you want me to yell at ya’ about the dishes needin’ doin’ while you’re finishin’.” She laughed, lying on her back and beckoning for him to join her. John smiled, feeling more at ease in her presence all of the sudden.

“Ain’t that the truth?” He laughed, following suit and moving up the bed to lie next to her. There was a moment of mutual silence before she reached out to take his hand, guiding it to her breast over the boning of her corset. He obliged, breath coming quicker as he ran his hand over it eagerly. 

Taking his face in her hands she pulled him to her, lips brushing against his, lightly at first and then more insistent as he began to kiss back. He shuffled his whole body closer. His tongue slipped between her teeth and elicited a deep moan from her. He groaned in to the kiss, finding himself more aroused than he had anticipated at such a simple act. He pressed forward, crotch keening towards hers as she flung a leg over his hip and used her calf to pull herself closer. She ground against him, making him moan as he moved his hands down to untie the fastenings on the front of her corset. His dick pulsed painfully against his fly, the small relief of her pussy grinding against his clothed privates not enough to put him out of his misery.

“Uh.” He grunted, pushing away the fabric of her top and breaking their deep kiss to lean down and take a rosy nipple in his mouth. The woman cried out, head thrown back and mouth wide as he nipped it playfully with his teeth. The men she laid with rarely gave a thought of her own pleasure. 

“You’re good at that.” She purred, her hands moving to curl in his hair. “What’s your name?” She asked, tugging lightly on his hair to make him look up at her.

He pulled away, taking a second to study her features. Gorgeous blue eyes and full lips bruised from their intense kiss.

“Jim.” He answered. “Jim Milton.” 

She nodded in response, pulling him back up to her level and capturing his lips once more, her hands disengaging from his hair and unbuttoning his vest and dress shirt so she could run soft fingers over his sensitive nipples.

“Jim.” She breathed, one hand slipping below the waistband of his pants. John cringed, pulling away from her kiss briefly.

“Actually... call me John.” He whispered, having changed his mind. The alias pulled him too deeply from his fantasy. The woman nodded again, looking amused.

“A man with two names.” She smiled. “How mysterious.” 

“Ain’t mysterious ma’am. Just... conflicted.” He clarified, his sad smile not quite reaching his eyes.

“Well how’s about we take your mind off your confliction.” She replied, the hand that had snaked its way down his pants clasping around his slick member and squeezing lightly. John nodded, eyes closed as he unbuttoned his jeans to give her better access. She palmed his erection eagerly, thumb swirling over the head and making him quiver with anticipation. Pre-cum beaded on his tip as fast as she could wipe it away as his hips bucked involuntarily towards her. Small grunts and moans escaped him as he buried his face in her breast. Breath coming too quickly for such an early stage in the foreplay. He took a hold of her wrist gently, stilling her as he struggled to compose himself.

“Sorry I...” He began, not sure of the words. “It’s been a while.” He explained, his cheeks flushing at the admission.

“That’s okay honey. It’s your hour.” She replied, releasing him from her grip and bringing her hand up to stroke his cheek while she waited for him to signal he was ready to continue. 

John took a moment, relishing in the comforting feeling once more. His heart felt heavy, distracting his dick from the situation at hand.

Slowly he rose from his position, moving to take his jeans all the way off. She helped him quietly, pushing his vest and shirt off his shoulders when he was finished with the pants. He felt exposed in front of her. He had only ever been completely naked in front of Abigail. In a romantic sense anyway. He knew rationally that this woman didn’t care what he looked like. His ugly mug was the least of her worries as long as she was getting paid. But it didn’t stop the self-conscious feelings from creeping in on him in an unexpected way.

She seemed to sense his insecurity, taking the opportunity while he was unguarded due to thought and pushing him back roughly on the bed. He stared at her as she slipped off her own skirt and undergarments, fingers moving down to play with her centre as she slipped a leg over his and straddled him. She bit her lip playfully before an exaggerated moan fell from her mouth. John’s cock twitched under her as he registered she was wet with anticipation as well. He breathed open mouthed, arms paralyzed by his side as he watched her massage herself with her fingers.

Abigail had shown him where and how to touch her to make her cum. He wasn’t all that good at it even though he tried his hardest. He often left her unsatisfied despite his best efforts and was then forced to watch as she tended to herself in a way he just couldn’t seem to mimic.

It was refreshing to watch a woman touch herself knowing he wasn’t responsible for her dissatisfaction. He was surprised by how arousing it could be when he felt no obligation to her.

Her show continued on for a while, his breath coming quicker with each passing second. A small sound escaping him as her other hand moved to play with one of her nipples. He clenched his teeth, feeling himself being pulled closer to the edge of climax without being touched. 

His hands flew to her hips, making her stop her ministrations. She caught the gist and smiled wickedly, expertly manoeuvring herself so that he was pushing inside her without either of them needing to guide him. 

“Ah, fuck.” John exclaimed, eyes screwing shut as she fully sheathed him inside her, her bottom resting against his balls. She paused, knowing he was already close and not wanting to tip him over the edge. She ran her hands up and down his chest, a pleasurable sensation in and of itself, but not overtly sexual. He appreciated the thought, taking deep breaths as he willed away his pending orgasm.

She gave him a moment, judging his body language before slowly raising herself up and lowering back down on to him. He moaned, head back, chin to the sky as she set herself a steady rhythm. John groaned again, biting his lip to keep the profanities at bay. His toes curled, hoarse voice straining as he allowed himself small noises of pleasure each time he felt her take him fully.

He gripped her hips tight, holding her in place as he took another breather. She stifled a giggle, knowing he couldn’t see her. He wasn’t going to last much longer. Slowly she pried his hands away, causing him to question her with his gaze. She rose upwards, letting him fall away from her. She moved off of him, lying down next to him and spreading her legs wide. He took the cue, rolling over and positioning himself in between them. His forearms rested beside her, holding him up as he leaned down to kiss her deeply. She kissed back, moaning in to his mouth as he pressed in to her once more. He groaned, pausing for a second before setting his own pace. He pulled away from the kiss, burying his face in her neck as he thrust in to her eagerly. He lost himself as she stroked his back, moaning loudly as the pleasure began to build inside him. He thrust hard and deep, hands fisting in the sheets as he felt the first stirs of orgasm start to build in his stomach. His cock pulsed wildly, breath coming in huffs as he continued to ram himself in to her. 

His world closed off, nothing between himself and fantasy. Pleasure burning hot as his thrusts began to become erratic. He was quivering, the effort of holding himself in a plank position somehow increasing the searing pleasure in his abdomen. 

"John." She whimpered, making him weak.

“Fuck...” he groaned. “Fuck... Abi.” He huffed, feeling light headed as his breathing matched his erratic thrusts. “Abigail...” he groaned, pleasure mounting towards its peak and teetering him there teasingly as his orgasm began. “Abigail!” He cried, entire body trembling as he stilled himself inside her, white hot pleasure searing through his entire body as he came hard. He groaned through the let down and aftershocks as he began to move again, thrusting shallowly in to his lover. She ran her hands softly up and down his spine, helping him down from his high as she ignored the wetness on her neck.

John collapsed on top of her, body giving out as exhaustion from the weeks past finally caught up with him. He laid still for a long while, only moving when he sensed he may be obstructing the poor woman’s breathing. He sat up, quickly wiping at his eyes with one hand. Abigail had always made fun of him for the fact that they seemed to leak during his climaxes. He never had the balls to tell her it only started happening to him after he confessed his love to her and had the sad realisation that she would probably never love him back.

The woman eyed him with a small smile, not missing his obvious mortification.

“You’d be surprised how common that is in my... profession.” She chuckled. John raised an eyebrow in question and she reached out to pet his arm lightly. “Ain’t no happy man coming to a whore for the girlfriend experience.” She shrugged, sitting up and locating her clothes.

John supposed she was right. Any man married to an honest woman would have no need of her services. Somehow that revelation made him feel better. Although it did nothing to quell the overwhelming guilt bubbling in his chest now that he was sexually satiated. He felt like a sucker for letting himself be coerced in to relations with someone he didn’t love, even if it was his idea in the first place. He was ashamed that his libido had gotten the best of him. He should have continued on with his hand in the bath tub.

The woman dressed next to him. The rustling of fabric the only sound breaking the silence. John sat awkwardly, unsure where to look or what to do. He wanted to get dressed himself but waited patiently for the woman to finish first, his own hands covering his modesty.

She moved across the room, adjusting her top in the mirror before turning to face him.

“You still have some time left handsome.” She said softly, placing her hands on her hips. “Want me to suck on it?” She asked blatantly. “You did pay the extra.” 

John waved her away sheepishly with his hand, shaking his head.

“Uh, no, thank you.” He replied quietly. “I... I only paid the extra for the kissin’.” He confessed, feeling embarrassed. “You can go... consider the extra money a tip.” 

The woman frowned, looking him up and down before shrugging. She wasn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

“Alright hun, suit yourself.” She smiled. “You still have the room for the rest of the time but then you have to clear out.” She stated flatly as she made her way to the door. “Good luck sweetheart.” She said sincerely, stepping out and closing it behind her.

John watched her go, feeling weirdly empty. He wondered if he should have insisted she stay for the remaining time. He was ashamed to admit it, but he really was one for cuddling after.

Standing slowly he cleaned himself up the best he could, dressing in silence before stopping to check himself in the mirror. He started blankly at his thin frame, his clothes hanging looser than he would have liked on a body that had been without proper nourishment for too long.

Eyes roaming around the room he took a deep breath before stifling a yawn. Eyeing the bed longingly he wished he could afford to sleep in comfort if just for one night. But he had made his choice, one he would come to regret even harder in his future.

Exiting the room and pursing his lips as the knowing glances of other patrons, he made his way back through the saloon. The cold chill of the night air flowing right through his cheap clothes and making him shiver as he made his way to the edge of town. He wasn’t sure where he was going to sleep tonight, the realization hit him.

This was no way for a man to live. Without laughter and love. Without so much as a bedroll, never mind companionship.

He trudged on still, boots crunching on top of wet soil as he looked for shelter. His decision had been made. He needed to find them; if only for his sanity.

**Author's Note:**

> I love to hear from you guys and I appreciate every kudos and comment I receive so much!!


End file.
